What Do SEALs Talk About When They're Drinking?

So your favorite sea mammals were sitting around a bar table, enjoying their brew. Cucumber was having an argument with Mink. Mink liked Lance Armstrong, the cyclist, and Cucumber was telling him that L.A. was impotent because of that time riding a bicycle put pressure on a male's perineum, thus cutting the oxygen flow to the vital parts. Mink, an avid cyclist, was properly defensive.

"Are you trying to tell me something, man?" he demanded.

Cucumber gave Mink an amused look and said, "Naw, man, just a friendly warning so you know that your dick's gonna fall off soon."

The rest of the gang snickered, asking Cucumber where he'd gotten this useful piece of knowledge.

"Hey, sometimes I read the news, you know."

"Yeah, in between jerking off and killing terrorists, man?"

"At least I wasn't bicycling around the countryside," Cucumber shot back smugly.

The men thumped their mugs on the table as Mink said something that didn't register in my slang and curse words dictionary. Must be new.

I went to do a little research and you know what, dudes? Cucumber has scientific backing! Check out:

Pick Your Bike Seat Carefully, Guys

Surfing is so much safer, dudes!